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What’s your most memorable Halloween experience?

One Halloween I went through a haunted house where a guy with a chainsaw chased me out the back door. I laughed until I realized he was still chasing me halfway through the parking lot. To this day, I don’t know if he worked there or just really loved his job.

Tell us why you would make it to the end of a horror movie.

Because I’m not the dummy who hears a noise in the basement and goes to investigate. I’m grabbing a weapon, locking the doors, and minding my business. And if the killer starts chasing me, he better have some cardio. I work for a living, I’m already pissed off, and I ain’t dying on my day off.

What would you do with the unlucky $13,000?

First, I’m buying a chainsaw, a creepy clown costume, and enough Halloween decorations to make my house look like a crime scene. Then I’m taking my family on one hell of a vacation. Whatever’s left is going toward therapy for the neighbors. $13,000 might be unlucky, but I’m about to make it everybody else’s problem.

Who is your real-life hero who you would want to survive a horror movie with?

My wife without a doubt. She’s my real-life hero, puts up with my nonsense, and somehow manages to keep our family alive on a daily basis. If we ended up in a horror movie, she’d be the one coming up with a plan while I’m telling the killer he’s picked the wrong family. Between her brains and my stubborn attitude, we’d make it to the credits. And if we didn’t, I guarantee the killer would need therapy.